


Battling PTSD

by niciodata



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-07
Updated: 2014-07-07
Packaged: 2018-02-07 20:14:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1912296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niciodata/pseuds/niciodata
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky has a lot of healing to do and sometimes the PTSD makes daily life hard for both Steve and him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Battling PTSD

People always are staring, some more than others, but no matter what, Bucky ignores it and makes no expression towards it. He’s become accustomed to it and at this point, he hardly even notices. His mind has so much healing to do still that simple everyday occurrences are hardly something that is dwelled on.

 

Once he was taken out of the cryotube and his body unfrozen, only nine years had past since his “supposed death” in 1945. As plan was set in motion, those who had pulled him out of his induced sleep had a mind that could be taken over and re-created into the ultimate soldier. They had a clean slate and they had every intention to take it for their own use of destruction. Bucky was their hitman for sixty years before his most important mission, helped him resurface memories that were thought to have been wiped so long before.

 

All of his past, shaped him into what he has become today and some of that past not only shaped him, but stuck with him for the rest of his life. Such as the metal prosthetic arm that he would have to bare as a reminder. Bucky was slowly starting to overcome the thoughts and hate that the arm brung him, as well as the stares that came along with it everyday. Yet, as his mind healed, he’d hit rough patches and would just break down from all of the emotions.

 

Today was a rather average day, not very bright, but not cloudy and grey. Bucky was walking the streets of the city, heading to a small cafe where he was going to meet up with Steve, who he had just left back at the grocery store. Steve had told Bucky to go on without him and that they’d meet up again there. Steve was Bucky’s anchor that held him in reality and made sure that he wouldn’t fall too far back into his old self, the Bucky that was a manhandled machine.

 

When Bucky was getting ready for the day, he was feeling rather happy with himself, so he decided against wearing something that covered his arms. As it was almost mid-June, t-shirts were the better choice for comfort, but many days Bucky would wear long sleeves in an attempt to hid his prosthetic from wandering eyes.  

 

It was a weekend, so there were a lot of people running about, in and out of shops, plenty of couples as well. Bucky was feeling content with himself and the world around him, his hands in his pockets and his stride steady. His mind was somewhere else, another planet maybe, until two young boys’ voices snapped him back to reality.

 

The boys were running around outside of a small shop, up and down the sidewalk, yelling happily to one another. They didn’t look like they could be much older than about seven or eight. Normally, Bucky wouldn’t pay any attention to them, other than making sure he wasn’t in their way as they ran, but something was different. The boys were pretending to shoot at each other with their fingers moved to look like guns.

 

_The blond before him was running, his head turning back every chance he got to see Bucky advancing on him, a M4A1 in hand. Bucky’s eyes were dead as he looked towards his main target, which had jumped down from the bridge-like structured highway. Men who were part of Bucky’s team started on the two other targets that were part of this mission, while Bucky followed down after the blond. Glass was coating the asphalt, people were fleeing the scene, and bullets were falling from above in a rain of fatality._

 

Bucky had now stopped on the sidewalk, his body starting to tense up as memories of what he was only a mere year before, flooded his mind. His eyes tore from the scene before him, as he started to lose control. Bucky knew that he needed to calm down, and fast.

 

_The blond who was once right in front of him, had now taken a quick dive behind a damaged car, in hopes of finding some protection. Bucky just moved to pull his gun up and jumped atop the hood of said car too look down at the man below. He pulled the trigger and bullets started to flow, but the man had moved expertly out of aim to run once more._

_Bucky shifted his movements from lax and uncaring to assassin trained precision and speed, because this mission was taking longer than he wanted. He patience was also running thin as his target fought for their life more than expected. Dropping his longer range gun to the ground, he pulled the shorter range Intratec TEC-38 from his left thigh holster and took aim, advancing at an alarming rate._

 

Bucky’s face was now scrunched up in pain, his muscles flexing as if he were about to march into a full-out fire fight. His body was betraying him as a few beads of sweat escaped down his temples. His arm made of metal started to emit a soft whirring sound that indicated it was gearing up, just like his other arm was doing. Bucky’s breathing was becoming erratic and heavy.

 

_The blond moved quickly to find a weapon that had ammunition, as his had run out. Bucky pulled his new gun up, arms stretched out in front, locked at the elbows and started to fire at the man who had found his way back into gun point. Seizing fire once his target had once moved out of sight, he picked up his pace and came around to stand mere feet in front of the blond. His gun had never fell from it’s position, and his eyes narrowed at the man._

_“Oh god no...” Whispered his target before Bucky’s finger moved to pull the trigger back._

He had now brought the attention of a few people that had passed only to look at him for a second, before moving quickly out of his way. At this point, his body had become rock and veins could be seen along his neck and arm. Bucky’s feet had moved into a stance used for short range shooting and his metal arm reached out to grab anything near him. His metal fingers slid around a thick rung of a fence.

 

Bucky was starting fall into a state of darkness, but part of his mind continued to fight back. As he fought the thoughts, his metal fingers squeezed with inhuman strength on the rung that he had clenched in pain. He was falling hard and he didn’t have his anchor to hold him back.

 

_Ack! The first bullet whizzed out and lodged itself into the man’s shoulder. He gasped in pain, one hand flying up to grab the wound. Ack, ack! Two more shots rang out, both slamming themselves into the blond’s chest. He fell to his knees in agony as Bucky looked down at the bleeding animal below. Brown eyes moved to look up into Bucky’s blue ones as he lower his gun to finish his mission. Ack! One last bullet pierced the skin and--_

“Bucky!” The voice that came from behind pulled him out of the seemingly never-ending memory. Bucky hadn’t realized how far his thoughts had pulled him in until he saw the faces of those around him. His chest was heaving and his muscles were flexing in anticipation for something terrible. A hand came to rest on his fleshy shoulder muscle, and it clenched onto him in a reassuring way.

 

“Bucky...” Steve was now standing in front of Bucky, leaning down to look at his face with an expression of worry etched upon it. “You need to calm down. It’s just a memory.” Steve’s silvery voice flowed through Bucky’s head, allowing him to force his fingers to detach from the rung of the fence and release some of the strength rippling through his body.

 

“...Steve.” He whimpered out, his arm reaching out to grip onto Steve’s, in an attempt to steady himself.

 

“Buck, we need to get you somewhere quiet.” Steve moved the groceries he was carrying to one hand and slid his free arm under Bucky to help hold him up as they moved to walk away from the scene.

  
The uncontrolable anger was something that Bucky would have to deal with for many years to come, as it was an emotion that had created deep-set roots in his mind from the hate and pain inflicted on him for so long. Bucky is the man who is the hero and villain all melded together to create a subconscious that will forever plague him. 

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this quite a while back for a creative writing prompt and I finally am slowly putting my works on here. Hope you enjoyed it! Please leave a comment or anything!


End file.
